How the nation grieves

The period of grief is sacred in the Jewish faith and culture and it’s important that the traditions and rituals that are encompassed within the mourning of a loved one are adhered to. During this time, Jewish law or Halacha encourages burial as soon as possible, ideally within 24 hours of death, to honour the body, which means that funerals must take place soon after.

Mahalia Flasz, who is from a Jewish background explained: “Judaism is very community-based and a large attendance at a funeral is encouraged. Indeed, in order for the funeral to go ahead, you need 10 men to be in attendance. “We will have the eulogy, psalms and prayer but it’s a very simple, sombre service and contrary to a lot of funerals in this country, there is no music played. It’s certainly not a ‘celebration’ of life as throughout the period of mourning there is traditionally a strict avoidance of joy as it’s important that we take the time to process the grief.”

One of the most important traditions to be observed following the death of a loved one is the sitting of Shiva, a seven-day mourning period at the family home. Mahalia explained: “The community-centricity of Judaism is central to the sitting of Shiva as during this time the family would typically not leave the house or do anything so that they can focus on processing the grief. “Instead, friends and members of the community will come over with things like food and although it’s a strict tradition, it’s also a comforting aspect because it means that you’re never alone during the grieving process as you’re completely supported. “Ultimately, all the traditions and rituals followed during the funeral and mourning period do help with grieving because you’re facing it head on and not masking it. It’s nice having that environment.”

On the anniversary of the death of a loved one, a Yahrzeit candle will be lit for 24 hours to honour their memory, and it serves as a time of remembrance and reflection. In the Jewish faith and culture, many will also light a candle to mark the anniversary of the Holocaust to remember the lives lost. Mahlia explained: “In my experience, when my community has experienced moments of collective grief, friends have always been so supportive and it’s something that I really value.

“Personally, I don’t know where I would go for additional bereavement support from outside my family or friends, but I also don’t know if I’d want to as grief is such a personal thing. Whilst those outside the community or my family can sympathise, they can’t empathise and that’s why I value the support from within.”

In the Sikh faith and culture, funerals mark the passage of the deceased entering into the next phase of life and due to the belief held by Sikhs in the natural return of the body to the elements, a cremation is always chosen. Following an individual’s passage into the next phase of life, there are a number of essential rituals that must be carried out.

Jaswinder Singh Sidhu, Director of the North East Sikh Service, and NHS and University Sikh Chaplain explained: “Before the funeral, there is usually a period of recitation from the Guru Granth Sahib Ji either at home or at the Gurdwara. On the day of the funeral, Ardas or prayer is performed, followed by Kirtan and reading of Hukamnama, which is a verse from Guru Granth Sahib Ji chosen at random.

“The deceased is usually bathed and dressed in clean clothes, often with the Five Ks, which are the articles of faith if they were Amritdhari, which means they’ve been baptised and initiated into the Sikh faith and expected to carry out selfless service and dedicate themselves to God.”

Viewing the deceased and spending time with them before the funeral is also a vital part of marking their passage. In Sikh culture, there will usually be an open coffin at the family home and loved ones will take the opportunity to sit with them or view them.

Jaswinder said: “Seeing the body helps family and friends accept the reality of death and the transition of the soul, reinforcing the principle that the soul is eternal while the body is temporary.”

The ceremony is held at the Gurdwara, and the wider community is always welcome, in fact, a large gathering is a sign of the impact that the person made during this phase of life.

Whilst the Sikh teachings encourage people to focus on the fact that ‘it’s never the end’, feelings of grief are often still present.

Jaswinder explained: “Conversations about the life lived and their passage to the next phase of life has always been something that has been welcome within the Sikh faith and culture.

“However, we are all human and sometimes there would be a tendency not to discuss the topic, with people feeling uncomfortable. Yet, society, more generally, is becoming increasingly open about mental health and with this, the stigma around talking about death and bereavement is being broken down and hopefully this encourages more conversations.”

Following the death of a loved one, in the Christian faith and culture, there are no teachings adhered to around how the mourning period should be conducted, but the belief in the resurrection and eternal life is an essential part of how death should be framed.

Daniel Walker, a member of XX Church in Liverpool explained: “For me, the funeral rituals of prayer and readings, as well as the fundamental focus on the resurrection and eternal life are really important in coming to terms with a loved one.

“While they don’t necessarily solve the feelings of grief entirely, they do bring a lot of comfort during the funeral service to have these reminders in eternal life and knowing that it’s not the end.

Whereas in many cultures and faiths there is only one option when it comes to the final disposition of the deceased, since the early 20th century, there has been a choice between cremation and burial in Britain in both the Christian faith and culture.

In the Catholic faith, should a cremation be chosen as the method of committal, ashes traditionally should be kept in a sacred place, not scattered or kept at home. However, choice has become central to how ashes are used after a cremation, with individuals and their loved ones deciding whether they’d like them to be scattered in a sentimental place, kept in a sacred place or buried next to a loved one.

Daniel explained: “There’s no defined teaching on how someone should be committed and it’s ultimately up to the individual. The most important thing is ensuring that they get the service that they want.”

When it comes to grief, in British Christian culture there had been a historic tendency to avoid discussing death and bereavement openly and for mourning to be confined to funerals, with support networks limited. However, this has begun to change in recent years, with attitudes to mental health shifting.

Daniel said: “Things have changed for the better, I think, and there is a lot more encouragement of talk about your feelings when you suffer a bereavement. Whilst we believe in God’s plan, losing a loved one is still really hard and you get so much support from people at church as well as friends and family.

“I think as society has become more open about mental health, there’s more openness in Christianity as a whole and less of a taboo about talking about things that you may be struggling with, like grief.”

From celebrations of life to sombre affairs, there are a wide range of views and teachings that Britons espouse and adhere to when it comes to mourning and, as part of this, how funerals are observed.

In the Islamic faith, there are a number of traditions and rituals that form part of the period of mourning following the death of a loved one.

Imam Shafiq Siddiq, Head of Faith Engagement at the British Muslim Heritage Centre, explained: “From an Islamic perspective, funerals are not ‘celebrations’, but neither are they meant to be excessively sorrowful. Islam encourages a balanced approach in that we acknowledge grief and allow people to cry, but actions that intensify sorrow are discouraged.

“We focus on prayer, reflection, and supporting the bereaved and the purpose of a funeral is to honour the deceased, pray for their soul find peace and mercy, and remind ourselves of the temporary nature of life. Ultimately, it is a peaceful, reflective atmosphere rather than a celebratory one.”

Muslims traditionally will also choose to have a burial, within 24 hours of death, and prior to the funeral, Imam Shafiq explained that spending time with the deceased can be meaningful.

He said: “While Islamic law focuses on ensuring the body is treated properly, many people find comfort in seeing their loved one, saying farewell, offering prayers and making supplication for them. “Islam does not mandate lengthy visitation, but it acknowledges that spending time with the deceased can provide emotional closure and help families begin to process their grief - so long as it is done respectfully and without actions that increase distress.”

When it comes to the funeral itself, Imam Shafiq explained: “In Islam the most important elements of a funeral are simplicity, dignity, and prayer. A Muslim funeral focuses on washing the body in a dignified manner, shrouding the deceased in simple white cloth, offering the funeral prayer known as Salat al-Janazah - a communal obligation - and quickly burying the person, ideally on the same day, to honour them and allow loved ones’ closure to begin.”

The traditions and rituals within an Islamic funeral are essential and Imam Shafiq said: “Islamic rituals aim to guide loved ones through grief with clarity and purpose. The washing and shrouding are a reminder of dignity and care, while the prayer allows the community to come together and pray for the deceased. In the days after the funeral, there is also a strong focus on comforting the family of the deceased and offering them support.

“These rituals are not just religious duties, they provide structure, compassion and communal solidarity, which all help with healing during a bereavement.”

When it comes to funeral attire, some believe that instead of traditional dress those attending should wear what they want or what the deceased would have wanted, which includes outfits that would be considered colourful or unique.

However, in Muslim funerals, Imam Shafiq explained that: “Islamic funerals emphasise modesty and simplicity, not any specific cultural outfits. Islam encourages plain modest clothing and the avoidance of bright or extravagant attire.

“For those attending the funeral, dressing respectfully is a sign of humility before God. There is no requirement to wear black; what matters is dignity and simplicity not fashion or cultural display.”

For Muslims, talking about funeral wishes and death is an important thing to do, Imam Shafiq explained: “Islam encourages people to clarify their wishes, such as burial arrangements, any debts owed, and requests for prayers. Talking about death is not viewed negatively in Islam, it is seen as a practical and spiritually meaningful topic

Further to this, when it comes to bereavement Imam Shafiq noted that: “In many Muslim communities, talking about bereavement is normal and encouraged, as supporting one another is seen as an act of compassion. Islam teaches that comforting a grieving person is a virtuous deed, so the culture leans toward openness rather than silence.

“However, individuals may differ. Some families speak very openly about grief, while others may be more private—not because of religion, but personality.”