Taking time off work after a death

What’s the difference between compassionate and bereavement leave?

Compassionate leave is when an employee takes time off work due to an unforeseen emergency involving a loved one. This could be when a close friend or family member is seriously ill or injured. Bereavement leave is specifically when an employee takes time off work after the death of a loved one.

‘Bereavement will affect us all in our working lives, and it's important to recognise the emotional impact it can have on employees,’ says Oliver Chapman, Media and Communications Manager from Hospice UK. ‘Bereavement leave is crucial for employees to start addressing their loss, and to take care of their mental and emotional health.'

Am I entitled to bereavement or compassionate leave in the UK?

In the UK, you have the right to a ‘reasonable amount’ of time off for any unforeseen matters or emergencies involving a ‘dependent’, but there is no specific amount of time outlined by law for either compassionate or bereavement leave.

What’s a dependent? This could be your spouse or civil partner, your child or parent, a person who lives in your household (not tenants, lodgers or employees), or a person who relies on you, like an elderly neighbour. If the person who has died is not a ‘dependent’ or part of your immediate family, you don’t have specific rights – this is up to your employer.

If you’re unsure of your rights or if you have any questions, contact the ACAS helpline for more information.

How long can I have off work?

How much time off depends on your employer, but the average bereavement leave offered in the UK is 3-5 working days. All organisations handle this differently and your employer may have a bereavement or compassionate leave policy in place. If they don’t have a policy, it’s best to speak to your employer to find out what leave you’re entitled to.

Will I still be paid?

Legally, your employer doesn’t have to pay you for any time you take off around the time or after your loved one dies. However, many companies do offer some paid compassionate or bereavement leave, so it’s worth checking your employment contract and your company’s policy. In some cases, you may be asked to use part of your holiday allowance.

What is parental bereavement and pay?

In the UK, there’s parental bereavement leave, also known as ‘Jack's Law’, where you’re entitled to two weeks off work if your child dies and they’re under the age of 18.

If a child is stillborn after 24 weeks of pregnancy, the:

• birth mother can receive up to 52 weeks of statutory maternity leave or pay.

• birth father, partner or adopter can receive up to 2 weeks of paternity leave or pay.

Both parents are also entitled to two weeks of parental bereavement leave after they finish their maternity or paternity leave.

How do I speak to my employer about a death?

As difficult as it may be, it’s important you speak to your employer right away if someone close to you has died. You may not want to talk about it face-to-face or over the phone, so if it’s an option for you, send an email or text if that’s more comfortable. If you can, speak to your HR about the support your organisation can offer – you may not be aware of the help that’s available to you.

‘Often, it starts with just having a conversation,’ says Oliver. ‘Talking to your employer about death can feel like a difficult and sensitive topic, but it's important to have an open and honest discussion to help you get the support you need.’

Your wellbeing during bereavement leave

Grief affects us all differently and there’s no ‘right’ way to feel. During the initial stages of grief, it’s normal to go through many different emotions – from shock and disbelief to feeling completely numb. During your bereavement leave, you may be just starting to come to terms with the death of your loved one both emotionally and practically.

'People should spend their bereavement leave doing whatever feels right to them,’ says Oliver. ‘It’s perfectly natural to oscillate between feeling overwhelmed and looking for distraction.’

Your bereavement leave may also be a busy time if you’re having to plan a funeral or organise your loved one’s personal possessions, finances or will. ‘Many people find themselves needing to deal with a lot of admin around the death, which often impacts their ability to grieve their loss,’ says Oliver.  While you may be taking care of the practical matters, the emotional process of grieving can be exhausting. It may seem difficult, but try to make time for some self-care too.

What’s it like to return to work after bereavement leave?

Everyone handles going back to work differently. For some, it may be a welcomed distraction and for others, going back to ‘normal’ can feel overwhelming.

When Debbie Williams, Co-op Store Manager, lost her mum suddenly, she was numb. ‘I didn’t know what I was doing half the time and work was certainly the last thing on my mind. My manager was so supportive. I felt I could talk to him and he helped me get back to work at my own pace at a time that was right for me.’

Following the death of a loved one, there may be changes in your home life that mean you need to talk to your workplace about what adjustments are possible. This could be a phased return to work, more flexible hours or working from home.

'Allow yourself time to process your emotions and seek support from HR or colleagues if necessary. Be kind to yourself, know you will have good days and bad days, and keep talking to your manager,’ says Oliver.

Remember to prioritise self-care and set realistic goals. In the beginning, it may be very difficult. Be sure to give yourself plenty of time to adjust to being back at work and don’t hesitate to ask for additional time if you need it.

Should I speak to my employer about how I’m feeling?

Although you’re back to work, grief can be overwhelming both physically and mentally. It may also be hard to focus or perform in high pressure roles. If you’re suffering from any physical or mental side effects of grief like anxiety, it’s important to speak to your employer so they can find the best way to support you.

You may also want to have bereavement counselling. After her mum died, Debbie received counselling through Cruse to cope with her grief: ‘it really helped me to understand the turmoil of my emotions at the time… If you're going through this now, I just want you to know there is help available and you’re not alone.’

How can an employer support a colleague on bereavement leave and returning to work?

‘Above all, it’s important to acknowledge their grief. Many people feel uncomfortable talking to someone who’s bereaved, for fear of upsetting them, but simple, genuine words such as ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ will show your colleague that you care and are there for them,’ says Oliver.

Where possible, have an ongoing and open communication with your colleague whilst they are on bereavement leave – agree on how they would like to be communicated with and the details they’re happy for you to share within your organisation. In the midst of grief, it can be hard to remember details from every conversation, so follow up any phone calls with emails with all the information they need.

Put a plan together for your colleague’s return to work, and offer flexibility such as a phased return, fewer meetings or additional support on projects. ‘Think about that first day back, especially if it’s face-to-face. Re-telling their circumstances over and over again can feel daunting, yet no acknowledgment of what’s happened can feel worse,’ says Oliver. ‘Suggest options for your colleague returning to work, so they don’t have to do all the thinking, yet still feel in control.’ 

In the weeks and months after they return, keep checking in with your colleague. Grief has no timeline, and their support needs may change over time. Also, make a note of key anniversaries, such as the year since the person died, or their birthdays. These can be difficult moments for years to come, but acknowledging this will ensure they feel supported and valued.  

Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It can feel overwhelming to talk about the death of your loved one so if you’re experiencing any mental or physical side effects from grief, speak to you GP. If you’d like any further bereavement support and advice on returning to work, visit Cruse.