How to write a eulogy
Follow the steps below to write a eulogy fit for your loved one, and find out how to tackle any fears of public speaking on the day. You'll also find some short eulogy examples and templates to help you.
What is a eulogy?
A eulogy is the speech given at a funeral. It helps us say goodbye to the person who died, but also helps us to remember them. It's a chance to talk about their life, highlighting all the people and things that were important to them.
This may be why so many of us find it difficult to give a eulogy. You can feel a huge sense of responsibility, while also coping with your own strong feelings. But a eulogy plays an important role in helping us manage our grief.
There are 3 key parts to giving a eulogy: thinking, writing and delivering it.
1. Thinking about what to say
A eulogy is about the person who died but it is for the guests at the funeral. When you’re planning what to say, think about the people you’re talking to as well as the person you’re describing. Don't worry about making the person seem perfect - no one is - and it's OK for your eulogy to reflect that.
Try to organise your thoughts under these headings and make notes as you go through them.
-
Think big – what were the major events in their life – at work, at home or as a child? Did they have any talents or favourite pastimes?
-
Think small – what were their little characteristics? Likes and dislikes? Did they have any unusual sayings everyone would recognise?
-
Think happy – when were they truly happy? With family? Spending time doing a hobby? What gave them the most pleasure?
-
Think sad – did they have any major challenges in life? How did they deal with them, and does that say anything about their personality?
Think about what they meant to you and to others at the funeral. How did they impact your life? What did other people really like about them?
You may want to talk to siblings, friends and other family members for stories and memories to help you write your eulogy.
Examples of real eulogies
-
Arne’s great love of jazz has been spoken about today. Ever since I can remember, he has been quite specific about the two pieces he wanted for his funeral: 'Oh didn’t he ramble' as we came in, and 'Free as a Bird' when we leave. As Arne said himself, 'People will know the songs are about me.'Phillip Thomason on his stepfather, Arne Christiansen -
To simply say that he put fun back into what was, for many, a fairly dull school life, would be an understatement. He had the knack of making even serious things good fun.Teacher Pete Davis on his colleague, Phil Furniss
2. Writing a eulogy
Once you have all the material you need, you can start writing the eulogy. The hardest part can be deciding where to start and how to finish, but there are some simple rules to follow.
Tone
Do you want the eulogy to be light-hearted or more formal? What kind of person was your loved one? Do you want it to be personal, written like a letter to them, or more general, including their wider circle of friends and family? It's OK to add a bit of humour to your speech if it feels right to you.
Structure
You can start the eulogy talking about their childhood, then work through the highlights of their life. Or you could do it in reverse order, starting with the recent past and working backwards. Pick 3 major points you want to focus on.
Another idea is to choose a theme – perhaps they loved fishing or loved being a nurse – and share stories and memories which paint a real picture of their passions.
Avoid beginning with clichés, such as “We are gathered here today…” as they sound impersonal. Start with something special about your loved one – this could be a piece of music, such as their favourite song or a poem.
Length
How long should a eulogy be? A good guideline is 3 to 5 minutes, but if you want to speak for longer, that's fine too. Many funerals have a set amount of time for the service, so ask the funeral officiant how much time there is for you to talk.
If you’re not used to public speaking, 3 minutes can feel like 3 hours. Ask someone supportive to time your speech and help you make any cuts if needed.
Examples of real eulogies
-
He was a selfless man who went through his life helping others. He was chivalrous and a true gentleman. He was a lovely man, and we thank him for sharing his life with us.Phillip Bennett on his father, James
-
If I could have one single wish and never have another it would simply be to have one hour and spend it with my mother.Jim Lees on his mother Janette Lees
3. Tips on how to give a eulogy
Giving a funeral speech isn’t something most of us do every day, so here are some tips to help it go smoothly.
-
Don’t write out the eulogy word for word – none of us talk in perfect sentences. Just jot down some key points on a card to keep with you.
-
Practice the eulogy – this will help you remember it and get used to any unusual words or expressions.
-
Take a deep breath and speak slowly – when we feel nervous, we speak too quickly. Taking a breath helps calm your emotions and gives everyone else a chance to take in what you’re saying.
-
Look up and around the room. It might be tempting to keep your eyes down and focused on what you're reading, but by looking at the people you're speaking to, it can help you connect with them.
-
Try not to fidget – nervous gestures can distract people from listening to a wonderful speech that you’ve worked really hard on.
-
Don’t worry if you get overwhelmed – it’s OK to be emotional at a funeral. Just pause, take a few deep breaths and carry on.
If you change your mind about giving the eulogy on the day, it’s OK to ask someone else to do it for you. But if you do go ahead, why not ask another guest to film it? Then anyone who could not attend the funeral can still watch it and remember your loved one.
Eulogy templates
The eulogy can follow any order you'd like, but these templates may help you get started.
-
Template 1
This template lets you focus on the stories you want to tell about your loved one rather than facts about their life.
- Intro/greeting
- Line from a poem or song
- Story from childhood
- Story from adulthood
- Something that was important to them
- What they meant to you
- A thank you to everyone gathered
- A goodbye to your loved one
- Intro/greeting
-
Template 2
This template helps you to describe your loved one's life and the things that were important to them.
- Intro/greeting
- Early life
- School and work life
- Marriage and family
- Hobbies
- Memories
- Summary - finish with a poem or song they loved
• For more advice on finding the right words and extra eulogy examples, download our eulogy guide.
• See all our expert articles on arranging and attending a funeral.
