Our funeral arranger's recommendations
In their unique role, our funeralcare arrangers meet a wide range of people who are grieving the death of a loved one. That’s why we’ve asked for their recommendations on what to read, listen to or watch to help with grieving.
If you’ve recently experienced the death of a loved one, you may be overcome with grief. You’re not alone – here are our suggestions that may help during the early stages of grief.
Books
Natasha Mackay, funeral arranger at Windsor recommends The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.
What it’s about
This book chronicles the year following the death of Didion’s husband and how she experienced grief and loss during this time.
‘It’s important to acknowledge that grief is not just sadness. It can be crippling. Some people describe their grief to me as feeling like they’re not able to take in a full breath or like every part of them feels close to falling apart,’ says Natasha.
Tara Renee Petar, funeral arranger at Paisley recommends Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman.
What it’s about
This book explores how losing your mother can affect a woman during every stage of her life.
‘Many years ago, not long after I lost my mother, I found this book and it really helped me grieve and not feel so alone,’ says Tara Renee.
Podcasts
Tracey Harriman, Cruse volunteer and Co-op Funeralcare service arranger recommends Let’s Start Talking with Colleen Nolan.
What it’s about
Nolan talks to her celebrity guests about their own experiences of death and grief – from losing a parent, sibling or spouse to finding happiness and purpose after they’re gone.
‘I was lucky enough to be involved in the ‘Let’s Start Talking’ campaign, and joined the recording of a couple of the podcasts. People talking about their experiences in a relatable way.’ says Tracey.
TV
Charis McQuade, funeral arranger recommends After Life with Ricky Gervais.
What it’s about
A writer for a newspaper adopts a gruff new persona after the death of his wife.
‘It makes you laugh and cry and everything in between, just like grief can. I think it also gives you a better perspective on death,’ says Charis.
Film
Tara Renee Petar, funeral arranger recommends My Girl.
What it’s about
A young girl, who suffers from hypochondria and obsesses about death, lives with her father who operates a funeral service out of their home.
‘I think even as adults, there's a part of us that doesn't understand or want to accept someone's death. You feel like they still need their glasses on or a blanket because although you know it doesn't matter any more, in your heart it does,’ says Tara Renee.
To help talk about death
It can be really difficult to speak about death and dying, so here are our recommendations to help start some conversations.
Podcasts
Natasha Mackay recommends Where There’s A Will, There’s A Wake with Kathy Burke
What it’s about
Celebrity guests see their death brought to life as they plan their final day and into the afterlife.
'It’s so important to normalise conversations around death. I think we, as a society, have forgotten how to talk about dying, despite the fact it’s the one thing that unites every person on Earth,’ says Natasha.
TV
Natasha Mackay recommends Six Feet Under.
What it’s about
This series chronicles the lives of a dysfunctional family who run an independent funeral home in Los Angeles.
‘It’s about a family that owns a funeral home. They suffer their own bereavement and have to face their mortality. It’s deep, a bit dark and quite funny at points,’ says Natasha.
Words of comfort
Poems help when we’re grieving as they can often express how we’re feeling, particularly when we can’t find the words to express our own emotions.
Tracey Harriman recommends Funeral Blues by W.H. Auden.
What it’s about
The power of grief and how the world changes forever for someone who is bereaved, but for everyone else, it continues as normal.
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come….
The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
‘There are a lot of poems that suggest smiling through the grief, carrying on and not crying, but I really love Funeral Blues. This poem acknowledges the pain and that sometimes you just want the world to stop turning,’ says Tracey.
Amy Orfali, funeral arranger at Foley recommends Feel No Guilt by an unknown author.
What it’s about
It’s about not feeling guilty for your life going on after a loved one has died.
Feel no guilt in laughter, they know how much you care.
Feel no sorrow in a smile that they are not here to share.
You cannot grieve forever; they would not want you to.
They’d hope that you could carry on the way you always do.
So, talk about the good times and the way you showed you cared,
The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared.
Let memories surround you. A word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day,
That brings them back as clearly as though they were still here,
And fills you with the feeling that they are always near.
For if you keep those moments, you will never be apart
And they will live forever, locked safely within your heart.
‘This poem has been used recently at one of our services. It captures many feelings in just a few short lines,’ says Amy.
