How to take care of yourself when grieving
There’s no right way to grieve – everyone copes with a death differently. No matter how you’re feeling, it’s important to still take care of yourself.
After a loved one has died, it may seem like you’ll never feel like yourself again. Yet, taking care of yourself during a bereavement can help with the healing process and adjusting to life after a loss.
Be gentle with yourself
Grief can be exhausting. You may not have the same stamina as you had before your loss and may find concentrating more difficult. Don’t put pressure on yourself to perform the way you used to. Instead, it may be helpful to write a to-do list of manageable tasks that you can achieve daily. Be kind to yourself - it may take time to adjust to a new way of living.
Make healthy choices
After a death, it can be easy to neglect yourself, but it’s really important to remember practical things like eating, sleeping and a bit of exercise. Eating healthily can help with daily functioning, and even moderate exercise can improve difficulty sleeping.
Do things you enjoy
Doing small things you enjoy can be good for your emotional well being. It could be simple pleasures like getting a coffee with a friend, going for a walk or reading a book. It’s okay to experience joy, as moments of happiness are a good distraction from grief.
Get pampered
Whether that’s getting your hair cut, having a relaxing massage, listening to music or even a long soak in the tub – be sure to treat yourself to a little bit of pampering.
Express your feelings
A good way to process your grief is to talk about it. Discussing your grief with close family members and friends may help with coping and will also keep you connected to others. If you feel uncomfortable talking about your grief, try writing your thoughts in a journal, as that may also help to work through some of your emotions.
Communicate your needs
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s okay to want to be alone or to not want any visitors. It’s also okay to ask for help. ‘When someone feels stuck, they can end up inadvertently pushing away vital social support,’ says Andy Langford, clinical director at Cruse Bereavement Care, ‘but that contact is so important.’ Be as honest as you can be with the people you trust. It may be hard to say ‘no’, but don’t be afraid to tell people what you need.
Grief during celebrations
Celebrations like birthdays, Christmas or anniversaries can be painful, particularly the first time after you experienced a loss. One thing that could help with special occasions is to create new traditions and memories that centre around remembering your loved one. Speak with your family and share ideas together – it could be lighting a candle at certain times, planting a tree or giving to a cause that they cared about.
How others treat you
You may be surprised by how some people behave towards you after a death. Many people find it difficult to know what to say or do when someone is grieving. Some may not be comfortable reaching out, whilst others may have the best intentions, but may say something cliché or that comes across as uncaring.
Grief is timeless
Grief has no timeline so never feel like you should be ‘over’ your loss. Andy says we should give ourselves time and space with grief: ‘At Cruse, we talk about grief being timeless, because it’s not about getting through a particular set of experiences or travelling along a particular timescale – it doesn’t work like that. There are too many variables, and things will happen that remind us of the person who’s died, which will bring a range of emotions to the fore.’
Get the support you need
Remember, if you’re finding it hard to manage your grief, you’re not alone. There's a lot of different bereavement support available - for individuals or groups, virtually or in-person. Talk to specialists at Cruse Bereavement Support, The Good Grief Trust, AtaLoss.org and Sue Ryder.
We also have a number of helpful guides.
