How to dress a loved one for their funeral

Whether you’re dressing a loved one for the chapel of rest, where friends and family can visit them before their funeral, or simply to make sure they’re well dressed for their final journey, there are a number of points to consider.

Here, Rachel Carline, an embalmer with Co-op Funeralcare in Oldham, explains the choices you have when it comes to dressing a loved one for their funeral.

Content warning: this blog contains some descriptions of postmortems and cremation.

Who is responsible for dressing them?

This is normally the responsibility of a funeral service crew member or an embalmer. ‘Some families like to be involved in this part of the process, so we ask what their expectations are and how much they want to be involved,’ says Rachel. This can range from helping to actually dress the person to final touches, like buttoning up a shirt or putting on jewellery.

In some cases, it may not be appropriate for a family member to help – if someone died from Covid-19, for example. If they had a postmortem or had been in a traffic accident, that could be upsetting for the family to see.

How do you choose their clothes?

Traditionally, people were buried or cremated in a simple funeral gown, but more of us are now choosing our own clothes. Rachel says, ‘Funerals have become much more personal , and clothes play a huge part in that.’ But if your loved one hasn’t already picked an outfit, what should you choose?

‘I ask families what their loved one wore in everyday life or what they were most comfortable in,’ says Rachel. ‘Alternatively, they might want them in their best dress or favourite suit.’ If someone did have an autopsy or postmortem, this could leave visible signs, so Rachel advises picking clothes with a high neck or using accessories like a scarf to hide them.

Once you’ve chosen the clothes, take everything to the funeral home, including underwear and shoes. Take a recent photo of your loved one too. Rachel says, ‘This helps us work out how they dressed; whether they wore a shirt tucked into their jeans, or always buttoned up the collar.’ And don’t forget any personal items, like glasses.

A recent photo can also show the embalmer their make-up (if they wore any) and hairstyle. But talk to your funeral director if this is something you’d like to do for your loved one.

If they had any distinctive features, like a large beard or tattoos, ask if they can be highlighted in some way. ‘These all make a huge difference to your loved one looking like themselves,’ says Rachel.

What about transgender or non-binary people?

It’s important to respect how your loved one chose to dress during their lifetime. If they were LGBTQ+ this is even more important, as some may worry that they could be dressed in the wrong clothes for their gender, or clothes they feel uncomfortable in.

If the person who died was LGBTQ+ didn’t leave any specific instructions, either with an executor or by putting their final wishes in their will, ask their closest friends what they liked to wear. Everyone has the right to be dressed in their favourite clothes for their own funeral.

Or religious considerations?

Some religions have specific directives about dressing the person who died. For example, Muslims are typically washed and dressed in a funeral shroud, while Hindus follow certain rituals that include shaving the head, and being dressed in clean clothes and wrapped in a funeral shroud.

Rachel says, ‘Most families know what their religion requires, so the funeral crew will take a step back and have a more supportive role.’ Some funeral homes have washrooms for ritual washing, so tell your funeral director if that’s something you need.

Are any clothes unsuitable?

This is really a question of personal taste – you can be buried in fancy dress if you want. But if an outfit is going to cause offence, or upset a lot of people, it’s best avoided. Rachel says, ‘We never judge someone’s clothing choice, but if something is very offensive, we’ll discuss it with the family. There’s a balance between wanting to follow a client’s instructions and maintaining dignity for the person who has died.’

If your loved one lost a lot of weight before they died, their outfit may be too big. Tell your funeral director if this happened, so they know to adjust the clothing. But if your loved one had put on weight, their clothes may need to be cut at the back to fit.

‘Some women want to be buried in their wedding dress, but it may be 40 years since they wore it. We’ll always ask permission before cutting any clothes, but we’ll also ask the family if they want to provide a different outfit,’ says Rachel.

Does burial or cremation make a difference?

There are some factors you need to consider. For cremation , your loved one cannot wear a watch or anything else with batteries, such as hearing aids. Items made of glass, including glasses, need to be removed, as do shoes.

‘Because the soles are made of rubber, this affects the emissions during cremation,’ says Rachel. ‘Your loved one can wear shoes in the chapel of rest, but they need to be removed before cremation.’

The type of material is not an issue because the heat is so intense, but be aware that any jewellery can melt. Rachel says, ‘It’s not a problem if you want them to be cremated wearing their jewellery. But if it’s going to be passed on, it needs to be taken off before they go to the crematorium.’

For traditional burials, there aren’t any particular concerns with clothes. But for green burials, there are some restrictions.

‘Your loved one should be dressed in clothes made from natural fibres, like cotton or wool, as these biodegrade more easily,’ says Rachel. ‘Some burial grounds require a cotton shroud, so check any guidelines before the funeral.’ Shoes and boots are not permitted because they may contain harmful materials.

If you have an idea of what you'd like to be dressed in, share your wishes with your friends and family. But Whatever you decide to wear for your funeral, or what clothes you choose for a loved one, is completely personal. But it should be an outfit you feel happy in – and feel happy for everyone to remember you wearing.

See our expert guides for more advice on planning a funeral.