Living funerals: a celebration of life service
Attitudes around death and how we approach dying are fast changing. It’s no longer seen as a taboo subject, or a subject to be avoided. So, it’s no wonder that celebration of life services – sometimes referred to as living funerals, fun-erals or pre-funerals – are becoming an increasingly popular way to honour someone’s life while they’re still alive.
What is a celebration of life service?
Funerals are a chance for people to remember, give thanks and say goodbye. In many ways, a living funeral is like a traditional funeral. The main difference being the person being remembered is still alive, and often present at their own living funeral.
One of the most famous examples of living funerals in popular culture comes from the film ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’. The film explores the power that can be found in accepting death as a natural part of life. More recently, Netflix film ‘Love at First Sight’ follows the story of a man attending a celebration of life service for his mum, who has been diagnosed with cancer and refused treatment.
Actress and comedian Dawn French recently attended a close friend’s living funeral, reviving her on-screen character the Vicar of Dibley to deliver a eulogy. In a post on Instagram, she wrote: “It was my privilege & joy to Dibley it up at her FUNeral on Sat. She wanted to host the best possible party. She did. It was phenomenal.”
The concept of living funerals is nothing new. It’s seen as a mindful way to confront your own mortality, for people to make amends, and say a proper goodbye. The specific origins are difficult to trace, but many cultures across the world have adopted and developed these practices over time.
During the 1990s, these ceremonies became popular in Japan, who referred to them as ‘seizenso’. Elderly people, who felt their old age was a burden to their family, began holding living funerals to take the pressure off organising an actual funeral when they died.
In countries like South Korea and Thailand, celebration of life services or ‘mock’ funerals, are used to help attendees let go of the past and feel reborn. In Thailand specifically, living funerals have been incorporated into addiction treatment programmes, forming an important part of the healing process.
Reasons people choose a celebration of life service
Living funerals are usually planned by people who know they’re going to die. These ceremonies are a chance for those people to throw one last celebration with the people they love. They can reflect on their life, share some of their favourite memories, and reminisce to some of their favourite songs, all while being surrounded by the people they love.
If funerals represent a crucial step in the grieving process, providing closure for those closest to the person who has died, living funerals might help prepare you for the death of a loved one.
Not only does it provide those attending with a space to share touching words, but it helps the person who is nearing the end of their life regain some control about their end-of-life arrangements. It allows them to confront death on their own terms.
However, terminal illness or old age aren’t the only reasons to plan a living funeral. Perhaps someone wants to be able to celebrate their life while they’re still alive. Or maybe they’d like to plan and pay for their own funeral, so their family don’t have to worry about it after they have died. For example, choosing a direct cremation isn’t only a cost-effective alternative to a traditional funeral, but it also allows loved ones to remember you in their own way.
Celebration of life service ideas
First, someone needs to decide if a living funeral is right for them and their loved ones. If it is, they can begin to think whether they would like to plan a traditional or totally unique service. Just like a normal funeral, living funerals can be personalised to reflect the personality of the person it is held for.
Whether someone wants the celebration to follow a traditional funeral with a celebrant and procession or something more informal with a relaxed atmosphere, a funeral director can help. Their experience will be invaluable in helping to create a fitting and memorable occasion.
One of the biggest challenges with planning a living funeral is choosing a suitable date. This is especially true if the guest of honour is approaching death, as ideally, they should be well enough to attend and participate. It’s best to err on the side of caution so they’re able to enjoy the event, but remember, celebrating someone’s life doesn’t have to be restricted to a single service.
Living funerals can be held almost anywhere. Some people may opt for a tranquil space in nature, while others may choose somewhere full of good memories like their family home or favourite pub. When choosing a religious venue, it’s important to note that some religious leaders might not be comfortable with hosting a living funeral. So, we would advise always checking with religious leaders well in advance.
Attending a celebration of life service as a guest
It’s unlikely that guests will have been to a living funeral before, so it’s vital to explain how the celebration will differ from a traditional funeral. Invites for a living funeral are essential for letting guests know what to expect on the day.
While black and muted colours are considered appropriate for traditional funerals, there is no accepted dress code for living funerals. It’s important to tell guests what you would like them to wear on the day – whether that’s traditional funeral attire or something bright and colourful.
Other details like food, music and planned activities for the service should also be mentioned on the invite. Guests can also be instructed to bring mementos such as photographs or letters, to help trigger the sharing of memories and speeches about the guest of honour. Remember, be sure to include the location, time and ask people to RSVP so there are no surprises when it comes to numbers on the day.
How will this impact your actual funeral?
The crucial difference between a traditional and celebration of life service is that the central figure is alive and able to participate in the ceremony. However, one is not a substitute for the other. For many, true closure cannot be achieved without a proper funeral. A good way to think of the difference is that a living funeral is for the person dying, while a traditional funeral is for those left behind.
While a growing number of people are choosing to reject convention when it comes to funerals, they still play an essential role in the grieving process. Funerals offer friends and family a safe space to share memories and support each other, and deal with the reality of their loved one’s death.
Spending time around a dying relative can be difficult and emotionally draining. It can cause us to confront feelings we’re not yet ready to deal with. Although living funerals are challenging, they are a chance to celebrate life, cherish the moments you’ve shared, and create more memories to provide comfort when a loved one dies.
We know that everyone deals with death differently, so our team will help you say the most personal goodbye. Because it’s those personal touches that make the biggest difference to you and your family. Whether you’re planning ahead for yourself or creating a tribute for a loved one, start by reading our guide on how to arrange a funeral.
