What to do on a death anniversary
The passing of time doesn’t always mean the pain we felt when a loved one first died doesn’t feel as intense. Even when grief does feel more manageable, important dates like anniversary of when someone died are a very real reminder of what is missing. Whether it’s the first or tenth anniversary of someone’s death, this date can cause us to reflect.
On the day, it’s natural for your mind to wander. You might think about everything from the circumstances of their death, to how life would be different if they were still here.
Here are some suggestions on what you can do to remember your loved one on the anniversary of their death.
Take time for yourself
However you choose to remember your loved one, it’s vital that you prioritise yourself and how you’re feeling. Grief can come in waves, and anniversaries can spark strong emotions. It doesn’t matter if you choose to spend the day with people or alone, what matters is doing whatever feels right for you on that day. This could be sticking to your normal routine or doing something different to distract yourself, but there is no right or wrong way to think or spend the day. Be kind to yourself, be patient, and allow yourself the space you need to come to terms with how you’re feeling on the day.
Spend time with people who loved them
If the thought of being alone on such an important day scares you, try to surround yourself with the people who are likely to be sharing your sense of loss. You could get together for a drink or a meal, or even to sit around and share your favourite stories together, maybe raise a glass to them. The simple act of not being alone will show you that it isn’t only you who misses that person.
Visit their resting place
Visiting your loved one’s resting place is a traditional way to honour and mark the day that they died. Whether you visit their grave or the place you scattered their ashes, bring flowers or any other items you wish to leave, and reflect on the time you shared together. You may find that visiting where they are laid to rest connects you with them and brings you a sense of comfort during a difficult moment.
Write a letter
What has changed since your loved one died? How does their absence affect your life? What memories do you wish you could have shared with them since they died? What would you say to them if they were sat next to you right now? Ask yourself these questions and write your thoughts down. No one else has to read the letter. This is something personal between you and the person you love. The simple act of doing so can be cathartic and help you come to terms with your loss.
Visit a special place
Think of that special place where you and your loved one shared memories together. It could be the route you walked the dog on, your favourite place to go on holiday, or a park bench with a nice view. Wherever it is, go to that special place and take time to reminisce on the wonderful memories you created together.
Look through old photos
Photos allow us to capture moments that will live on forever. From birthday meals to family holidays on the beach, photos help to immortalise the memories we make together. On the anniversary, these photos can provide much-needed comfort to you, your family and friends. They help you remember your loved one when they were at the happiest. Looking through photos can help spark stories and fond memories, proving your loved one’s memory still lives on.
For more guidance on how to best cope with grief, visit our bereavement support page.
