Coping with baby loss
A child who loses a parent is called an orphan. A spouse who loses their partner is called a widow or widower. But there is no word for a parent who loses a child. If you have lost a baby or know someone who has, this article contains some information and support which may help as time goes on.
Common feelings after experiencing a baby loss
When you lose a child through miscarriage, sickness or any other unfortunate event, you might feel some of the following:
- shock - you might feel numb and lost as you try to make sense of what happened and why
- guilt - feeling guilty about what happened
- anger - at yourself, the hospital, other parents, or towards other people who may not understand what you're going through
- indecision - you may find it hard to focus and make decisions
- fear - of trying for another baby in the future or of losing a child again
- physical symptoms - like insomnia, joint pain, nausea, appetite loss, and, in extreme cases, broken heart syndrome (Takasubo cardiomyopathy)
It’s normal and understandable that you have these feelings. The grief and pain that come with the death of a child can be very hard to deal with, but may become less raw over time.
The most important thing is to give yourself time. Try not to rush into making decisions or taking action. Allow yourself to process the grief at your own pace and do what you feel is best for you.
Taking care of yourself after losing a baby
Self-care may be the last thing on your mind because the impact of a baby’s death can be emotionally draining. But it's important to remember to try to take care of yourself by:
- eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest
- doing activities you enjoy to help put your mind at ease
- joining a support group to interact with people who have experienced similar losses to create a sense of community
- honouring your baby's memory or talking about your experience can help some people if it’s at the right time for them
- seeking professional help, like counselling if you find your grief is overwhelming or affecting your ability to function in daily life
Supporting your partner after the death of a baby
To support your partner, you can try to:
- provide a safe and non-judgmental space for them to grieve openly
- keep talking to your partner about how you both feel
- understand that you and your partner cope with grief differently, so it's important to respect each other's ways of coping
- actively listen without judgement or trying to ‘fix’ anything
- reach out to family, friends, and communities for support
How to help someone who has lost a baby
When you’re communicating with someone who has lost a baby, try to avoid:
- behaving differently
- ignoring what has happened
- saying that you know how they feel
- not talking about your life and children
Instead, you could try :
- acknowledging the loss of their baby
- calling the baby by their name (if they have one)
- suggesting where they can find help and support
- to be your normal self
- listening to them
Finding meaning after the death of a baby
Finding a balance between mourning the death of your baby and preparing for your future life without them takes time and is a personal journey.
Some parents have done this by channelling their grief into raising awareness about pregnancy and baby loss. Others have found meaning by engaging in community activities or supporting charities and scientific research. Sharing your story can give strength and hope to other bereaved parents.
Bereavement support for parents who have lost a child
Speaking with close family and friends, a bereavement group, or a counsellor may help ease some of the emotional stress.
To find more support, you can visit:
- Child Bereavement UK or call 0800 02 888 40 for confidential support
- Sands or reach them on 0808 164 3332
- Compassionate Friends or call their helpline on 0345 123 2304
- The Lullaby Trust or contact their bereavement support helpline on 0808 802 6868
- Winston’s Wish or call their free helpline on 08088 020 021
- Daddys with Angels if you are a bereaved dad, granddad, or male. You can join their online group via Facebook
Co-op's funeral services are free for babies and children
Whether the funeral is for a baby lost in pregnancy or a child below the age of 18 years old, our funeral services are free, although some local authorities might ask you to pay and then claim the cost back. Our funeral directors will know what you have to do in your local area and will help you.
If you'd like any further help or advice, please get in touch with a local funeral home.
